Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
