Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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