Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
