He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Randomize
