That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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