don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
