I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
