I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
