It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
my poor anus
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
