please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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