i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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