In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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