Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
