sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
