I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
