The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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