Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
