Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
