Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
