everyone is single if you try hard enough
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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