Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
