the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
