4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
