what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
