I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
