Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Your cock deserves a montage
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
