Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
