you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
