Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
