Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
