they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
