I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
