a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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