I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
