Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
