well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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