it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
