He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
