at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
