Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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