Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
