i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
