Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
