Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
