I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I need to calm my uterus...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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