You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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