she is the kim kardashian of front butts
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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