my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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