i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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