Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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