Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
